Signs from the universe

I believe in signs from the universe (more accurately, I often say, "THAT is the universe speaking to you."). Sometimes, really, truly, there is just no other explanation for things that happen. At least, that's what I think.

This month is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). You can Google it if you want to know about the word counts and the guy that decided November should be the month to try to write a novel and why. I've looked it up before, but I forget. Doesn't interest me. Last year, I made a point to write every single day in November. It was HARD. And EXHAUSTING. But I got a ton of work done on my book. And it was AWESOME.

Last month, my writing partners and I agreed we'd all do NaNoWriMo together this year. Just before the end of October, Ben and I met to set the ground rules. For whatever reason, he named me Commissioner of our little group. (I don't know if that affords me any special privileges, I just like that I get a title.) We selected code names -- because our friend in Chicago just legally changed her last name to France, Ben decided he wanted to be Germany. To keep with the country-name theme, I am Iceland. That's Commissioner Iceland to you.

Our rules were pretty simple. We all have to write or edit SOMETHING every day (we decide how much is enough, a day ends when you go to bed, even if it's technically the next calendar day). If we haven't emailed the others by 9 p.m. eastern, the designated "task master of the week" gets to work with emails and texts to make sure no one forgets to write. On Sundays, we have designated write-a-thon hours (when we're writing and potentially chatting on gmail with each other) and then we send each other something we've written during the week.

Honestly, I've been writing more emails than fiction in the last 15 days. My NaNoWriMo output has been disappointing, to say the least. (Admittedly, I've been getting my ASS KICKED by the 3-week cold from hell, but still.) I was averaging about 2 pages a day (which would mean I'd have about two chapters worth of work to show at the end of a month of writing every day during a month dedicated to producing a full novel). Yeah, that's just great.

The writing hasn't been coming easily and I've been doubting myself, doubting my stories (I've been ping-ponging between two, to give myself an out when I feel stuck with one or the other). I know that I am a writer -- geez, just look at all the email I send, look at these blogs, listen to me ramble. I tell stories. Even when I try to reign myself in, I'm not very good at getting to the point without giving all the important context. (Details matter, dammit.)

Today was especially bad. I was reflecting on the fact that we are now halfway through NaNoWriMo and although I wrote more last night than I have all month, it was slow-going and agonizing and I'm not sure I have any direction. I'm still not sure what the hell I'm doing or if I should be doing it. I was in full-on self-doubt mode.

And then I got an email from Madame France (who happens to be the task master this week), in response to two very rough pages I'd sent her to read:

IAMCRYINGINMYOFFICEIAMCRYINGINMYOFFICEIAMCRYINGINMYOFFICE.

TARA.  Tara.  tara.  This is beautiful.  (This is beautiful!)  It's just so beautiful.  And terrifying.  And wonderful.  My mouth was open and I was holding my hands over it and my eyes are wide, SO WIDE.  It's stunning.  It's important.  GO GO GO.  Go.  Drink caffeine.  Take drugs.  Whatever you have to do to write this story- do it.  We'll pick up the pieces later.

Sign from the universe. Just when I was feeling like I couldn't go on, that maybe I needed to stop writing all together for a while (til I could figure out what the hell I'm doing, if it's even worth continuing), I get this amazing email telling me not only that I'm on the right track, but more importantly that I need to KEEP GOING.

I don't know why people who are artistically inclined seem to do this to themselves all the time (maybe others do it, too, but I know a lot of artistically inclined people and we all torture ourselves -- some more than others -- but definitely all of us). But thankfully the universe (and amazing writing partners) are there to steer us back on course....

This just keeps getting better

I've been very amused by certain lines in emails lately and last night I got an email that started with a line that sounded like something I'd hear at a particularly heated poetry reading (which made me a little nostalgic, because I haven't been to one of those in YEARS). So, I thought I'd make a weird, random, poem-like thing out of these emails, all in chronological order -- each color change denoting a new email. And it's already growing....

It's amazing what you'll find doing a Google image search for "stop sucking" and "sad cheerleader." But, here's the question: Is that really weird? And people wonder why I believe in MAGIC. Watch out for sasquatch! And donkeys with dreads! What the hell kind of answer is THAT? You can scream my name all you want! I will just sit here and be your pet optimist. But, seriously, I really DID invent THE BEST trivia game related to STDs EVER. I'll be wearing my black funeral dress with purple tights, because that's what I wore to work today.... YAY gelato! This morning in the shower, I did it again. WAIT. That wasn't ME, it was YOU. So, right now, I'm looking at my latest Google search terms, "Woman vaporized," and I'm glad no one knows the password to this computer but me. You can be afraid - for your hypothetical daughter and for yourself - just don't let that fear stand in the way of what makes you happy. Soooo, I begin my reign of terror tomorrow as your French Task Mistress.  This sounds more than a little kinky. You forgot the 'g' in the write-a-thonging!!! Ok, so here's my plan: I'm going to write for about 30 min. Then I'm going to read your stuff. The porn will have to wait. It's kind of like ack and ugh and just all that random grunting I do. Everyone's burning out like crackheads and Occupy Wallstreet protestors. Um, I think he's a douche. I approve of dinner! Ok.  Then I'll close my can of whoop-ass. Dude, I'm at the annual infectious disease conference. And I have a message from the universe:  O-M-G. I am here and thonging along. I'm also salty like pretzel, yo! Wee wee wee bits count. I put the wrong thing in parentheses and the wrong thing in caps.  (It's just a matter of time.)  AND NOT QUITTING. (and possibly a valet to steal your clothes.)  Just got out of the mullets movie.

"I'm starting to think that it doesn't matter what people believe in -- it's the way you treat people that counts."

- Elizabeth Kelly, Apologize, Apologize!

I'm only less than 100 pages into Apologize, Apologize! but I'm enjoying it a lot. Elizabeth Kelly writes quirky, fun characters. She describes incredibly mundane things I feel every day in this vivid, completely right on -- and beautiful -- way.

And then, this evening, I stumbled on that quote above. And it reminded me of my friend Nora's video:



I had so much fun handing flowers to random strangers. The man in the wheelchair -- he said I made his day.

It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day, the deadlines, leap frogging from one commitment to the next. But it's important to stop and think about what really matters and remember to work those things in when you can. It's usually something simple that takes very little time or effort that makes all the difference....

Make the most of your time here

I often say Twitter has changed my life in profound and beautiful ways. It did. On Sept. 9, 2009, John Green tweeted about The Beckoning of Lovely, and it inspired me to send this e-mail to some friends:

Disclaimer: I’m going to ramble a little, because that’s what I do, but I promise it’ll be worth it.

It's no secret that my mom is dying, which is as hard as you can imagine (and harder). So, it’s a big deal that I have found something that has inspired me and made me excited to DO SOMETHING.

If you don't know who John Green is, you really should visit http://www.brotherhood2.com/index.php and also read his book, Paper Towns (just released in paperback!)

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered that John Green is kind of my hero, and through him, I discovered The Beckoning of Lovely. Impossible for me to sum up, so just go here: 17 Things I Made, then go here: The Beckoning of Lovely

I think most people know of my obsession with Matt Harding (http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/) and so it all kind of ties together. (Or, maybe it doesn’t, but it makes sense to me.)

And here’s where the “I’m inspired despite being in the darkest place of my life” part comes in: Make. The. Most. Of. Your. Time. Here.

I want to DO SOMETHING fun and somewhat spontaneous and somewhat beautiful and adventurous and and and…lovely.

And, I need your help to do that.

1 p.m. this Saturday (9/12), Deering Oaks Park in Portland, on the hill overlooking the tennis courts.

Right now, you’re thinking, “That’s, like, two and a half days from now. That’s not enough notice.”

Or, you’re thinking, “The weather says ‘Mostly cloudy’ and ‘Few showers’ for Saturday.”

My answer? Make. The. Most. Of. Your. Time. Here.

Like Amy Krouse Rosenthal, I don’t really know what I want to do (although I've been developing all kinds of lovely ideas over the past few hours...).

Please bring something (anything) you love.

I will be prepared for something epic, and I hope that you will be, too.

I hadn't checked the forecast before hatching this plan -- I just went with the inspiration as it struck. It rained. It rained quite a bit. And yet, several of my friends showed up. One friend brought her son (the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful boy on the planet -- not that I'm biased or anything), another friend brought her dog. Everyone brought something they loved. We sang the chorus to “Alice’s Restaurant” (that was mostly me, but still), we all pulled random directives out of a plastic bag and followed them (examples: Remember; Make magic happen; What’s the oddest thing you can do? Do it now!).

My mom's health really started to fail shortly after that, and she died less than a month later. So, the video I filmed that day sat on my computer.

Ten months later -- on my mom's birthday -- I tried to organize another Lovely event. Fewer friends showed up, but it was still pretty magical. (That time it didn't rain, but it was INSANELY hot.)

Amy Krouse Rosenthal went on to post videos on 09/09/09 and 10/10/10. Tomorrow is 11/11/11, and the Beckoning of Lovely movie will be released. So, I finally got around to playing with my own lovely videos, and they made me smile and laugh and even get a little misty. They reminded me how much I care about the people who came out to play with me on those rainy and hot days and all the other people who indulge my whimsy (and even encourage it). I am a lucky girl to love and be loved by so many amazing people. We are all one.

 

(The song in the video is "All is Love" by Karen O and the Kids, from the Where the Wild Things Are soundtrack.)