Music

I write. Even before I could write, I told stories. (One of the best things anyone ever said to me was when my older sister pointed out how I used to tell stories before I learned to write -- and how she and her friends used to ask me to make them up for them.)

But, I think in pictures. Most of my writing comes from describing the images in my brain.

And, I need music. I can't think (much less write or do anything creative) if I don't have music playing in the background.

I love making soundtracks -- for road trips, for particular periods in my life, for the stories I'm writing, for friends. A friend of mine once told me that a friend of hers told her that every time you hear a new song for the first time, you evolve. I don't know if there's any actual science behind that, but I love the idea. I love sharing new music with people and hearing new songs for the first time.

And maybe all of this is partly why I was so psyched when my friend Nora asked me to participate in her project to make a video for Guster's "Bad, Bad World." (I normally avoid having my picture taken at all costs. Nine years later, my sister still rants about how I'm not in "any" of her wedding pictures...which is an overstatement. I'm in some. Just not a lot.)

So, please go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfBmHiMoNd8
If you have a YouTube account, sign in and "like" the video by clicking on the thumbs up. (If you don't have a YouTube account, stop being a slacker and create one. It takes less than two minutes.) You should help Nora win, because she is awesome, because her idea was awesome, and because it's one small thing you can do to decrease world suck.

Shortly after I helped film this video with Nora, my grandboss (that's my boss's boss, get it?) sent me the link to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REo7VnlenOA with the lyrics to the song. He said some of the images and lyrics made him think of me -- and it almost made me totally lose it right there in my cubicle when I read his words, the lyrics, and listened to the song.

I've been trying to do some writing for most of today and I haven't accomplished much. Usually when I get stuck, I make a collage. Collages help me think -- don't ask why; I don't know.

Tonight, instead of making my typical collage, I played with some lyrics from some songs I've been listening to a lot. I don't know what I'd do without music; I don't want to know.

Here's my texty alternative to a collage:

It's empty in the valley of your heart. I am still not getting what I want. I'm coming apart at the seams. The sun, it rises slowly as you walk away from all the fears and all the faults you've left behind. There's no turning back for us tonight. 'Cause I need freedom now, and I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be. Are you looking for an answer? It gets so lonely. I'm here. Hold on to me. I'm right here waiting. It's too late to save me. You're too late. Doc, there's a hole where something was. Things aren't the same anymore. Some nights it gets so bad, I almost pick up the phone. I could really use a friend tonight. I cannot live, I can't breathe, unless you do this with me. Please stay until I'm gone. Well, I'm a wreck, I really can't explain it. I can't explain a thing. I'm so lost. I'm barely here. I wish I could explain myself but words escape me. I wish you could remind me who I was, because every day I'm a little further off. I keep telling myself I'm not the desperate type. Wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel. I would gladly stay an afterthought, just bring back some nice reminders. 'Cause I have other things to fill my time. You take what is yours and I'll take mine. Now let me at the truth, which will refresh my broken mind. I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine. But I will hold on hope. May you dream you are dreaming in a warm, soft bed. May the voices inside you that fill you with dread make the sounds of thousands of angels instead. And I'll find strength in pain. I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every single inch of me is bruised. I wanna have the same last dream again. The one where I wake up and I'm alive. I'd promise you anything for another shot at life. I'll know my name as it's called again. Boycott love. It only takes a heart to be heard. You will be fine.


The songs quoted are:

"(Coffee's for Closers)" - Fall Out Boy
"7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)" - Fall Out Boy
"The Pros and Cons of Breathing" - Fall Out Boy
"Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes" - Fall Out Boy
"GINASFS" - Fall Out Boy
"Astronaut" - Amanda Palmer
“Nobody’s Crying” – Patty Griffin
"Bruised" - Jack's Mannequin
"Soundtrack for Our Movie" - Mae
"Almost Everything" - Wakey!Wakey!
"Check Yes, Juliet" - We the Kings
"Save a Place" - 1969
"The Adventure" - Angels & Airwaves
"Not Now" - blink-182
"Stockholm Syndrome" - blink-182
"The Cave" - Mumford & Sons