Bad grammar makes me

One of my favorite t-shirts reads, "Bad grammar makes me [sic]."

It makes me sad how many people don't get it, but it doesn't surprise me. Most people don't give a shit about grammar. And, that's okay. There are lots of things that other people hold sacred (football, beer, bacon, old people) that just don't interest me.

The thing I find interesting, though, is how many people seem to worry that I judge their spelling and grammar. Really? I mean, first of all, do I seem that mean? Do you really think I'm going to publicly shame you or think less of you if you write/say/spell something incorrectly? Really?

I am passionate about writing and communicating in general, which means I'm a complete and utter grammar geek. I love words. I also paid attention in my English classes. I have a ton of grammar and usage books, and I consult them often. Does it pain me when I see someone using really, really bad English? Yes. I hate emoticons because they are a misappropriation of punctuation. Really.

I try to refrain from correcting people unless one of the following applies: 1. he or she asked for me to proofread, 2. he or she is a good friend that can handle me pointing out an error without becoming offended, 3. I am absolutely sure there is a mistake and it's related to something really important (like the draft of your wedding program that hasn't gone to print yet).

Sometimes I can't help myself -- for example, when my sister sends me texts or posts on my FB wall and DOES NOT USE ANY PUNCTUATION AT ALL. (Yes, the caps there are intentional.) Look, I'm not asking that she use CORRECT punctuation, just SOME punctuation so that I know where one thought ends and another begins. It makes a difference. Plus, it could literally kill me. When I read, I breathe like I would if I was reading something aloud. (This may be a very weird quirk only I have; I've never asked if anyone else does it. I admit it's strange.) If you do not put commas or periods in the text you type (and if you type a lot of text), I will basically hold my breath until I get to the end. This could lead to dizziness or even death. Do you really want to be responsible for that? (And, yes, I realize that I would be up for a Darwin award if I died because I didn't breathe while reading a really long text from my sister. So it goes.)

I am not a great speller. I'm an okay speller. I use spell check. I use dictionary.com. I also have a pocket dictionary (and a pocket thesaurus and a pocket style book) that I carry in the tote bag I bring to work every day. Will I mock you a little if you accidentally spell something completely inappropriate or just plain funny? Yes. I also expect you to do the same when I do it. (Because I do and I will and I'm okay with that.)

I'm pretty good with the basic rules of grammar. There are a lot of things I still look up. And there are rules that I knowingly and intentionally break. (Um, hello fragments.) I rationalize by saying, "Well, I know the rules I'm breaking, and I'm choosing to break them for stylistic reasons." Is that any better than someone breaking the rules because they don't know them? I don't know.

I often say that my e-mails read like I speak and my spoken grammar is atrocious. By my standards. Many other people disagree.

Whatever.

I find it fascinating how intimidated people are by grammar. Language is hard. We all make mistakes. The only time I think less of someone who has exhibited poor spelling and/or grammar is when he or she should know better. For example, a person hired to do communications work who has three typos in her out of office automatic e-mail, because she didn't take the time to re-read it or click the spell check button. That's just lazy and sloppy. And annoying. (See, that fragment has way more weight BECAUSE it's a fragment. Am I right?)

It annoys me when people talk about me being smart, and I've been trying to figure out why. It's not like it's a bad thing to be smart. (I always say I like people who are smart and funny.) I finally stumbled on the answer: it's not something that makes me proud. It's just something that happened out of the box, like having blonde hair and blue eyes. (While I like both of those traits, I'm not particularly proud of them either.)

I'm proud that I have a talent for writing. I'm proud of myself when I do something I didn't think I could, when I face my fears, when I do something kind for someone else. I'm proud that I work every day at being a good person. I'm proud of how honest I am, even when -- especially when -- it's not the easy or fun thing to do. I'm proud when other people think I'm funny or brave.

I'm not proud of being smart. I'm not proud of knowing more grammatical rules than the average person.

I just love words and written language and communication and the connection to other people those things make possible. I like rules, which is why I like grammar (even if the rules are exceptionally wacky a lot of the time).