"Things are shaping up to be pretty odd"

- Panic! at the Disco, "That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)"

It has been a phenomenally odd week. Just a few quotes or snippets of conversations to give you an idea:

A hands E an envelope box with a nicely printed label on it “smut.” Inside the box are shirtless pictures of Henry Rollins.

Me: He's in your top five, right?

A: DUH.

E: I don't have a conventional top five, but he's definitely on it. Actually, I don't know if I wanna get it on with him. I just want him to read to me. Naked. Possibly while I'm in the bathtub.

Me: Hold on, hold on, I need to write this down. (Grabs steno pad and pen while E repeats herself slowly.)

Me: Him naked, right? I just want to make sure I have the image right.

E: Him naked. Now *I* have the image right (decidedly devilish grin on face).

E (in sing-songy voice while walking back to cube): I have a smut box.

(If you’re wondering, Henry would be reading selections from Sherlock Holmes, Dostoevsky, Jane Austen, DH Lawrence, Hubert Selby Jr, and the Velveteen Rabbit.)

That night, random text from a friend: I owe you five hundred emails – so I thought in between I would poke you and say I DO love you!

Speaking of poking, the next day I was talking to E about plans we were trying to work out and info she needed to get from a boy to know for sure if she could hang out with me or not.

E: I’ll poke him.

Me: Poke him. Poke him hard.

While laughing quite hard, E just hands me a pen to write down what I’d just said.

Me: I didn’t mean it that way!

E: Unintentional smut is often spur of the moment and off the cuff.

Next day, while walking with the grandboss to get a muffin, he says, “Face it, you don’t have the stones to be a biker’s old lady.” (Apparently, I went to pee a lot on that day, which is what prompted him to ask me if I was pregnant today. Rest assured, there is no chance in hell.)

Today, whilst sitting in my cube, I must have bent funny or something, because I now have this dull ache along the left side of my back, up my ribcage. It’s especially awesome anytime I have to bend to pick something up or sit down or breathe. HOW DO I INJURE MYSELF SITTING IN A CHAIR IN A CUBICLE? This is the second time this year….

Oh, Friday, please be gentle. Please.