Only Connect

- E.M. Forster

Yesterday, my friend Kate and I set out on an odyssey to get signed copies of Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. I would end up spending more than 10 hours in the car (two hours more than Kate, because I live farther away than she does - clearly, Kate is way smarter than me).

The Road Trip

We had provisions: A fishy bag (so named, because it has fish printed on the outside) full of snacks and chocolate, a polar bear bag (so named, because it has pictures of polar bears on it) full of soda and cranberry pomegranate juice.

We had directions, which clearly stated that it would only take 3.5 hours from Portland to get to the reading. (It's more like 4 and change, by the way, which makes a difference.)

We had monkeys. Or, Kate had monkeys. Quarter machine monkeys, which I bestowed upon her as she boarded the Shiny Blue Car.

It wasn't a bad drive. The sun was shining. Traffic wasn't horrible. Round about Berlin, Mass., my "uh oh, you're running out of gas!" light came on. I pulled off at the very next exit, which was for a mall. I will admit that I did not see a sign prior to the exit announcing that there would be gas available, but I figured that (and who can fault me for this logic?) mall = nearby gas stations. Right?

Wrong.

We drove through the Mall that Never Ends, and into a residential area. I did the first of many three-point turns, and went back to the mall. Not wanting to screw around with the "uh oh" light on, I decided we'd just get back on the highway and take the next exit.

Except the sign for the highway doesn't bring you to the highway. It brings you out into an expanse of farmland with a ridiculous little traffic circle (with very cryptic, inconsistent signs -- I know, because I went around it two full times) -- "Look, kids! Big Ben! Parliament!" We get to the end of a long road, and the signs are no more helpful.

At this point, Kate was commenting about how it was like in Labyrinth when the little guys turn the stones that Sara marked with her lipstick and she yells, "Someone's been changing my marks!" Very much so. I think this is where I started whining that we were trapped in Hell (and about to run out of gas).

Finally, however, we did manage to find a nice little Gulf station. And then, whilst trying to get back to the Mall that Never Ends -- due to bad signage -- we missed a turn and ended up down a road with two more gas stations. Of course.

Back at the Mall that Never Ends, we stopped at Target to pee, because Target has incredibly clean bathrooms. Always. (Or, at least, every one that I've been in.)

And then tried to find the highway again. According to the signs, we had to go the way we'd just gotten lost to get back to the highway going the right direction. I wasn't about to do that again. I decided to get on the highway going the wrong direction and turn around at the next exit (outside of Hell, and therefore -- I hoped -- easier to navigate). BUT, once I made that turn, I saw that I could indeed get on the highway going the right way...if I'd been in the correct lane. Stupid signs. Another turn around and a quick stop for a photo-op in Hell (which ALMOST made it worth the being stuck in Hell part), and we were back on the highway. Going the right way. Yay.

We stopped at Friendly's for dinner. Mmm: Grilled cheese and French fries. I couldn't finish my ice cream, because I was too full. This still makes me very sad.

Back in the car, we realized we had very little time to make it to the reading. This made me exceptionally tense. I don't like being late. Thank goodness for Kate's back up directions, or we would've gotten EXTRA lost right at the end. Ugh.

But we made it. Barely even late.

Of course, I was so tense, I left my camera in the car. Duh.

The Reading

I cannot wait to read Will Grayson, Will Grayson. Except, well, I kind of have to, because I have to leave soon to get my hair cut and I don't want to pick it up and then have to put it down. I will be reading when I get home from the hair cut, and doubt I will stop until I am finished. I am so excited, I could pee.

And why?

Because just the little bits that John Green and David Levithan (with some help from Maureen Johnson) read last night made me laugh and made me put my hand over my heart and made me want to read read read until every page has been turned.
Did I happen to mention how hysterically funny it appears to be?

The Q&A

During the Q&A, both writers gave some very funny, very smart answers to A LOT of questions. David Levithan said some incredible things about writing (which I remember being incredible, but I don't remember word for word -- give me a break, I spent 10 hours in the car yesterday and got less than five hours of sleep last night). All I know is, hearing him speak made me want to come directly home and sit in front of my computer until my book is done. (Okay, I didn't quite do that -- but I'm feeling inspired again, and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.) He ended his response to that question with the E.M. Forster quote above.

The Signing

Kate and I stood in line for two-ish hours to get our books signed. I think we were the only adults not accompanied by adolescents. (Some of whom were so obnoxious it made me want to not have children unless I can give them away during adolescence. Ya think?)

Both John and David seemed mighty impressed that we drove all the way from Maine. (And that we were heading back that night.) I held up my wrist and told John that my DFTBA tattoo was way better than the one in his Wednesday video. He appeared a bit giddy, and had David take a picture of it, since he hadn't brought his video camera. (David Levithan has a picture of my DFTBA tattoo. Wow.)

On our way out, I stopped to ask Maureen Johnson to sign my copy of Let It Snow -- I'd run back to my car to get it and my camera during the two-hour wait. I thanked her for inspiring me to do a trapeze lesson on my birthday. She seemed appauled by this -- because her video was far from encouraging others to do it. I told her that I saw her video, knew I had to do it, and it was the most incredible experience of my life. She said -- and wrote in my book -- "You are super brave." Her mouth said that. Her face said, "You are super effing insane." (I wonder if I'd mentioned that I used to play roller derby, if that would have made a difference. She's, apparently, a pretty big GGRD fan....)

The Aftermath

I don't have any pictures at all of the writers from last night. Kate took a couple (while my camera was stuck in my car), but they didn't come out great because of the lighting. I'd planned to take pictures of them signing our books, but was so wrapped up in the moment, that I didn't.

And, I don't care. They look the same in real life as they do in pictures and video. The cool thing is that I now have SIGNED BOOKS! (And David Levithan has a picture of my tattoo!)

When I arrived home around 3 a.m., I was too tired to do much except crawl into bed (of course, I didn't fall asleep until 4ish, and then I was up before 9). And still, it was completely and utterly worth it.